Journey Sunday Morning 03/15/20
Journey to your own way of knowing
An Apache came and brought me on top of the glacier, to the freezing cold lake. RainbowEagle waited. The water was totally clear, only icy water, no ground.
A woman appeared, first I thought its my reflection and felt very insecure, because she looked completely different. But the apache said: „Its my wife“ Then appeared a hebrew woman and after her a lot of women, all in different traditional clothing, wearing their born in culture on the outside.
All crystal clear in the water and they showed me, let me feel that they have knowing in their cells, just as I have, I was in the water and in the same time not. And they told me that the voice in its wholeness expresses all things immediate, directly and if I hear illness in the voice, the truth enforced itself, through all the layers, veils hiding yourself. Suppressed aliveness.
The conveyed to me not to identifiy with any culture, cloth, religion, knowing or other things just be open. Finally I stood near the water and the women were gone. I looked up to the icy walls of the glacier but could only see Rainbow Eagle mirrored there, myself still invisible. I said goodbye to Eagle and Apatche brought me back.
Journey to balance
Back at the lake with all the animals who appeared the last days. For a short moment I could see the women in the lake too, but then he was clear and empty again and again I can´t see my self neither in the water nor in the ice walls. A clear message is in the air, reaching me without words: Don´t identify yourself with something, then nothing is left. All animals disappear, the lake, the glacier and only light is there.
After a very long time in nothingness, the lake is there again and nothing happens, I ask the animals for help and they give me clothes all in light green and they tell me to turn around and look in the mirror. And I can´t will myself to do so. For a very long time I`m stuck. Finally I ask Gorilla, from a former journey: „Do I avoid something?“
But nothing happens. Stuck in this I came back.
During the sharing Steve guided me and I realised that I feared there is nothing in the mirror, I don´t know who am I or who I want to be, finally I got back in my childhood, to the time my brother has been born and there was so much pain, suddenly I had to be the big sister, I was fifteen month old, couldn`t explore who I was or what I wanted to be,but a long row of expectations how or who I should be awaited me, and most of all not be, don´t be mulish, don´t be precocious, you´re are the older one you´ve to know, every adult had other expectations and I tried desperately to fullfill all of them and lost myself, before I even found it. I was shocked deep into my bones, still working on it. I think in the final journey I saw myself in the mirror, but now its blurred and not quite settled. Lots of feelings pouring out, memories and thoughts.
Sometimes patience is required and maybe another journey.